Alex Descends Into Hell For A Bottle Of Milk

Augh! Stupid week. We pitched our show to a studio that will remain unnamed. The pitch went well. Our producers loved it. It's so totally a show. The studio, though? Didn't love it. Actually, the guy who was taking notes didn't take them accurately. He got the show wrong. So either he wasn't paying attention (and I got the impression that he wasn't), or they just never had any interest in buying a pitch from us. Which makes me wonder about what's happening at the studios now. Not that every studio should sink to their knees when we walk into the room -- while that would be nice, but it's far from realistic. But it seems like there's more pressure on the studios than there is on the networks. Especially this studio, where there hasn't been the huge turnover there has at the sister network. So maybe they're due.

And let's just, for a minute, talk about the role of an executive. It's to find a reason to pass. So think about that. A writer comes in with an idea they're passionately committed to, and they're pitching to someone who is only looking for a reason to say no, so he doesn't have to justify saying yes. Because if you only say no, you're going to be right more often than you're going to be wrong. In other words, you won't be called on that no, unless you passed on Desperate Housewives and that wound up getting you fired, but only AFTER the show was a massive hit. But if you say yes... that means the possibility of shelling out money, and shareholders like to hang onto their money. So there's a lot more fear out there on the studio side right now. We haven't gone into a network yet so I don't know if they're as scared, but it feels like a network gets more of a chance to be caught up in the enthusiasm of the pitch. That's what happened to us last year, where PODs and studios weren't interested but the one network we pitched to loved the pitch.

What you learn when you pitch something for the first time is what you did right and what you did wrong. Hearing the pitch, watching the reactions of the executives (even if one of them isn't paying any attention), may make you want to revise the pitch. We did this last year and it paid off. We felt, with this pitch, that there were some opportunities to make adjustments so that when we pitch it next, it'll rock even more. But there's also a danger to second-guess yourself after a pitch, or let your agent second-guess you. Do not do this. Don't make any rash decisions right after the pitch, or after the executive passes. Just because they pass doesn't mean your idea sucks. It's just not right for that executive. It may actually be right for another exec at that studio, too. You never know. But if you're not happy with the pitch or the show, trust me... they won't be happy, either.

So we like our pitch and we'll like it even more with a few adjustments. One thing we're going to do is personalize it more towards the executives. You'd like to think that you don't have to perform for these people, that they're professionals who can just hear a story and know if it's good, but remember that they're taking pitches non-stop. Having taken pitches before, I feel their pain. So we're going to jazz it up some. Because nobody's done an idea like this before. We're hoping that this time, it works to our advantage. There's nothing like selling a show called, oh, say, HEROES back in 2001, only to see the latest incarnation treated like the second coming of drama. And wouldn't you think that a pilot called Heroes would be a good sample for a show of the exact same name and premise?

You'd be WRONG.

Anyway. It's just getting harder and harder to get to the buyers -- the networks. Because you have to go through PODs and studios and that means you have to impress up to six people before you even get to the network. Do you know how hard it is to make six people ADORE your pitch? It's almost impossible. This explains why most of the pilots that have been sold so far are from writer deals. These writers go directly into the studio and since the studio is already paying them to develop, they're predisposed to liking the pitch. If they don't hate it, they'll take it into their sister network first. A studio is going to fight much more for a writer on a deal than they are for, well, us. So it's a much harder hill to climb than it's been in the past. We used to just go pitch to the studio execs who liked us, then go into networks. Ah, the good old days! Of course, now there's a catch-22: you need a deal, but the only way to get one is to be a high level writer on a show, or get a show on the air. Which you can't do without a deal... blah, blah, blah.

You might be wondering, gentle readers, what goes on in one of these meetings. Lotsa stuff. You do the small talk banter, which is shorter if you already know the person you're pitching to. Some producers and execs like to get to know you some, or they'll tell you what their company does and what they're looking for. They're usually prepared for what you're pitching, if it's later in the season. If it's right at the beginning, though, they may want to hear the areas or loglines before hearing the pitch. There are some producers and execs who will immediately put the kibosh on an area. That's actually a good thing. There's nothing more disheartening than pitching your little heart out only to have them say at the end, "Yeah, we're not doing any vampire turtle shows this year." Then why didn't you effing say so when you heard the logline??? If you're like us, you have a quatrillion ideas and keep coming up with more throughout the season. If you're the writer who puts everything behind one idea, let me shake your hand. I don't know how you do it. I like to have a few primary ideas, depending on the producer or exec, and some back-ups... JUST in case.

To me, the most important things about pitching a show are:
The premise: this should be clean and easy to grok. You shouldn't have to spend more than thirty seconds pitching your premise. And the rest of your pitch should only expand on that premise. A premise doesn't have to be high concept and in fact, a high concept premise does NOT guarantee that your show is clean and easy to do every week. Most high concept TeeVee premises are minefields of complexity. That is NOT good in TeeVee. The simpler the better. Chuck, for example: An underachiever downloads the NSA database into his head. See? Simple. A very clean premise makes for a show that's easier to do every week. But then there are the shows with too many rules. Pushing Daisies: a pie-maker has the ability to bring people back from the dead with one touch, but if he doesn't touch the person within sixty seconds, somebody nearby dies... and if he DOES bring somebody back to life and they're alive longer than sixty seconds, the pie-maker can never touch them again or they die for good. AAAAUUUGH! HOW ARE THEY BREAKING THIS SHOW EVERY WEEK? Well. Apparently, that's a bit of a problem.

The characters: they must rock. As simple as that. They need to make sense for the premise. An example would be the X-Files. Mulder's the believer. Scully's the skeptic. She's sent to keep an eye on him, but winds up having his back. Simple, right? Iconic, even. And they fit the premise. Your characters should feel like individuals. You should know their backstories, what got them into this predicament, why the show is about THEM, and how they react to what's happening to them. Arcs for characters are an excellent idea. Tell the executives where you want to take these characters. Know their voices, and incorporate them into the pitch.

The engine: this will be referred to as the franchise. What that really means is, what happens every week? How is this a TeeVee show? Based on most shows that get ordered, nobody gives two shits about the engine. I see these pilots and go, "Erm, what is episode two? How is this sustainable?" What I really want to know is, how are these writers snowing the executives???? When you go in to pitch, have episode ideas. You don't have to have a ton. Just enough to show them that you've thought about it. Have episodes that showcase your meat-and-potatoes episode, and episodes that are more off-center or surprising. Again, X-Files is a good example. There were the mythology episodes that dealt with the aliens and conspiracy, and the standalone episodes. By the way? Standalone is, sadly, the best word an executive can hear. If your show is more serialized (hey -- how are you selling a serialized show in this climate???), know where your story is going to go.

The world: this is especially important when you're pitching a show that doesn't take place in our mundane, everyday existence. Pitching a genre show? KNOW YOUR WORLD. And the rules for your show. Does your show have a visual style? Know what that is.

Make it fun: if you're not enthusiastic, they won't be, either. You can start your pitch with a short paragraph of why this is the Coolest Show Ever. And yeah, you need to believe that it is. They need to know that you are the only person who can do this show. That you were born to do it.

For me, the most fun part of the pitch is after the formal pitch is over and they start asking questions. Don't panic if you don't know the answers. If you know your show well enough, the answers will come to you. This is an opportunity for you to show how on the ball you are and how well you know the world and the characters.

Then just sit back and wait for the checks, my friends!

If you have a deal. If not, well... you're fucked.

Heh.