Sunday, December 08, 2013

An Open Letter: You Suck

So a guy who writes a blog on a site called The Wire was apparently quite furious that Jena Malone was cast in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. He was so upset, in fact, that he tweeted a bunch of stuff about how awful she is. That was beyond the problem he had with her being cast in the part. She is simply awful on every level of awfulness. I know the world is a big place and you can find someone who hates a featured extra in a fifth-season Friends episode, but that's because the world is a big place. This dude is apparently the "entertainment editor" of this website. Probably similar to me being the entertainment editor of my blog. I am also the reporter-at-large and Queen of Hearts, by the way. The cool thing about the Internet is that it's a lot like calling yourself a writer when you haven't been paid to write yet. You can say anything you want.

So this "entertainment editor" gleefully collected his preposterous tweets into a post entitled "An Open Letter to Jena Malone."

Let's see if I have the psychology right here. Guy who's given himself/been given a title on a blog that isn't even up to the standard of io9 or tweets for awhile about how much this actress sucks. 

(And frankly, if this is any kind of a professional website, they really need to take a look at how this guy is representing them in public)

Then he sees the movie and realizes that she's perfectly cast and oh yeah, she's actually a good actress! Aside from the obvious fact that Jena Malone has been a good actress since the beginning of her career, this dude doesn't see how wrong-headed all of this is. If there's any justice, Ms. Malone has no clue this dude exists. But what the fuck, man? If you repeatedly told her to her face how horrible she is and that she has no business being in Catching Fire, and then after seeing Catching Fire you tell her that you were wrong, she would sock you in the nose. Seriously, what is the point here? You would never do that to anyone in person. Are you just trying to claim some kind of importance? A position as Jena Malone's confidante? What? Because this is what stalkers do. They create a fantasy relationship, which is what you have done with this regrettable nonsense.

Just because you can write words on the Internet doesn't mean you know the inner workings of filmdom. The casting breakdowns for Star Wars prove this. And this past week, Warner Bros and DC announced the casting of Wonder Woman, who will be appearing in the Batman vs. Superman movie. Or is it Superman vs. Batman? Who gets top billing? I can't remember. Anyway, here's the breakdown:

1. Angry nerds see Man of Steel. Hate it with tears of fury.
2. Angry nerds want to murder Ben Affleck for taking the role of Batman in the sequel to the movie they hated with tears of fury.
3. Angry nerds cry tears of fury when Wonder Woman is included in Batman vs. Superman vs. Batman, because the casting isn't right and Wonder Woman doesn't get her own movie. Ergo, disaster.
4. A reminder: Angry nerds HATED Man of Steel.
5. Why would you see a sequel to a movie you hated? 
6. I cannot even.

So look. In an ideal world, there would have already been a Wonder Woman movie. But we do not live in an ideal world. We live in THIS world, where Black Widow was introduced in The Avengers and makes her second appearance in Captain America's sequel. We live in a world where Anne Hathaway's spectacular Catwoman doesn't get her own movie, or even an appearance in another one. Rejecting situations that are less than perfect doesn't make those perfect situations suddenly appear. I'm sorry, trust me, but making a Wonder Woman movie on its own at this point doesn't make sense if they can introduce her in the next movie. Making a Wonder Woman movie is a risk. Launching the character in the sequel to a movie that people saw isn't as big of a risk. Sure, who doesn't want a Wonder Woman movie? But if she works in the next film, then it's time to lobby for a Wonder Woman movie. The character's life in comics, her legacy, doesn't matter. This is a different business. You guys, this is a step forward. Don't be a typical asshole nerd and shut that whole thing down because it's not exactly what everyone wanted.

Maybe Gal Godot will be awful. Maybe Zack Snyder will fuck it up, given his track record with female characters. Maybe you will all be right and your tears of fury will be warranted. But you know what? Maybe not. I'd rather spend the next few years anticipating the movie than being pissed off about a possibly negative outcome. I hope this actress has the good sense to stay off the fucking Internet.

1 comment:

Albert Muller said...

A million times yes to everything. This is why I love your blog and will never stop reading it as long as you keep writing it.

You = the best.